Figuring Things Out
by Ellie603
Summary: When Chandler and Monica find out some terrible news, they have to pull themselves back up and decide what to do as things stop being so simple for them. Missing moments from "TOW the Fertility Test" and "TOW the Donor"
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: This is going to be a two part story, since this bit and the next part I'm doing work better together than apart. I'll hopefully get to add the second part late tomorrow, but I wanted to get this up since I meant to have it finished yesterday. This was definitely the saddest thing I've written in a while, but I hope I did this scene justice. The next part shouldn't be nearly this sad, and my last (I think) baby centric __Mondler_ missing moment that I doing after I finish this will definitely be happier. Thank you so much for reading the stuff I've written. You guys are all wonderful.

_Disclaimer: I do not own _Friends_, but some dialogue is taken from "TOW the Fertility Test."_

* * *

Chandler sat on the sofa reading the paper as he waited for Monica to get home. In the back of his mind, he was slightly nervous. He and Monica had taken their fertility tests the day before, and he knew that there was some small chance that something was wrong with one of them that meant they wouldn't be able to have a baby. Janice, of all people, had calmed him down about the whole thing at the doctor's office, but he knew he would feel a lot better once he found out that everything was okay.

The phone rang, and Chandler picked up. "Hello."

"Hi, Chandler. It's Doctor Connelly," the voice said on the other end of the line.

"Oh, hi, Doctor Connelly," Chandler replied. This was is.

"Is Monica there too?" the doctor asked. "I have something to tell you both."

"Ah, no, well she's not here," Chandler said, "but, uh, ya know, I can tell her."

"Okay," Doctor Connelly replied.

"Should I be, uh, sitting down for this?" Chandler joked.

"Maybe you should, Chandler. I'm afraid I'm not calling with good news," came the reply.

Chandler felt as though his heart had stopped.

"It seems your sperm have low motility," Doctor Connelly continued.

Chandler leaned down against the back of the couch. "Oh."

"So fertilizing any egg would be difficult for you," he explained.

"Uh huh," Chandler said in response, trying to process what he was hearing.

"But things are worse because Monica's uterus is an inhospitable environment," the doctor continued, Chandler's heart sinking even more as Monica's name was mentioned.

"Uh huh," Chandler said again, unable to form real sentences.

"So even if your sperm make it, there's a good chance they won't survive," Doctor Connelly finished, every word like a dagger through Chandler.

"Well, so, what does that mean?" Chandler managed to say.

"It means that you could possibly still have a baby together, but the chances really don't look good." The doctor's voice grew more sympathetic. "I'm sorry, Chandler. Give me a call, and we can schedule a meeting to discuss your options."

"Okay, uh, okay. Thank you. Thanks," Chandler said tonelessly.

He moved mechanically, going through the motions of hanging up the phone, but not giving the action any thought. He felt like someone had punched him in the stomach. Doctor Connelly's words spiraled through his head: "low motility" "inhospitable environment" and worst of all, "the chances really don't look good."

Almost immediately, Monica walked through the door. "Hey, sweetie," she said brightly, smiling at him.

Chandler looked up at her, trying to prepare himself for what he was going to have to tell his wife.

"Doctor Connelly just called," he said as she closed the door.

"Oh! With good news?" Monica said, walking toward him, but then she inhaled slightly, her face falling. "Oh course it's not good news, you just said 'Doctor Connelly just called,' if it had been good news you would have said 'Doctor Connelly just called!'" She waved her hands in the air, clearly getting more and more frantic as she went on. She brushed her hair out of her face, nervously. "So, what is it? Is it, um- is there a problem? Is there a problem with me… or with you?"

Chandler knew that nothing could be worse than telling his extremely worried looking wife what he had to tell her.

"Actually, it's both of us," he said finally.

"What?" Monica replied, her voice quieter than usual as she stared at him, her hand on her chest.

Chandler began to explain. "Apparently, my sperm have low motility, and you have an inhospitable environment."

"Oh," she said, staring down at the ground for a few seconds. "Well, what does that mean?" she asked, looking up at him with a last little glimmer of hope left in her eyes that maybe things would be okay.

"It means that my guys won't get off their Barcaloungers, and you have a uterus that is prepared to kill the ones that do," Chandler said with the smallest of smiles as he tried to keep a joking quality in his explanation. If he stopped joking about this, then it would become way too real. He began to give another joking analogy. "It means that–"

"Alright, Chandler," Monica interrupted him, her eyes shiny with tears.

Chandler knew he had to say it. "It means that we can keep trying, but there's a good chance this may never happen for us."

Monica stared at him, sniffing, as her eyes grew watery. "Oh my God."

"I'm sorry," Chandler said, not knowing what else to say.

"I'm sorry too," Monica replied, stepping in to wrap her arms around Chandler desperately, as he did the same to her.

Chandler could hear his wife sniffling into his shirt, and he knew he had to do something. He was just as crushed as she was, but he had to be strong for her; he had to reassure her that everything was going to be okay. "Well, we're gonna, we're gonna figure this out," he said as he rubbed her back comfortingly.

"Yeah," she breathed out. "I know."

He felt tears begin to drip down onto his shoulder, and he wrapped his arm more protectively around Monica's head.

The pair stayed that way for several minutes. Chandler's arms hugging Monica tightly to him, Monica clinging to Chandler, crying into his shoulder.

Chandler had heard the words from Doctor Connelly, and he had said them to Monica himself, but only as he felt Monica's tears soaking into his shirt did he really grasp what this meant. It was close to impossible for him and Monica to have a baby of their own. That little Bing he had been thinking about for at least a year would probably never happen for them. His plan for four kids – a boy, twin girls, and another boy – was definitely out. Having kids wasn't a matter of when anymore, now it was a matter of if. And that if represented only a very slight chance. Chandler felt a teardrop slide down his cheek and fall into Monica's hair. He breathed in shakily. He was supposed to be trying to be strong for Monica, but his heart had shattered into a million pieces.

Chandler let go of his wife to try to wipe the tears from his eyes, and Monica moved back slightly.

As Chandler looked down into Monica's face, he saw a mask of tears, her eyes barely opened as she looked down at the floor. "Tissues," she said simply as she stepped away and grabbed a couple from the box from the counter, dapping at her eyes and blowing her nose.

Chandler joined her, doing the same.

He looped his arm around her waist and held her to him. "Come on, Mon." He lightly guided her from the counter over to the sofa, taking the tissue box with him and setting it on the coffee table as they sat down facing each other.

Chandler moved his arms around Monica again, as she curled up into his chest, sobs wracking her body.

"It's just- it's just- it's not fair!" she choked out into his shirt.

"I know. I know," Chandler whispered down into her hair as tears continued to trickle down his cheeks. "It's not even a little bit fair."

"I was gonna be such a good mom," Monica continued, between sobs. "And you were gonna be such a good dad."

Chandler took in a shaky breath, trying to calm down as his tears began to cease. "We're gonna figure something out, Mon. You're still gonna get to be a mom, I promise."

Monica's sobs began to die away as she took short, ragged breaths. "But it's… it's not the same, Chandler," she said, almost a whisper, her voice no longer constricted by her sobbing.

Chandler felt his heart break again at Monica's words. She sounded so hopeless, so empty, as though she had lost everything. Chandler understood; he felt the same way.

Monica lifted her head up from Chandler's chest, making eye contact with him. "It's just not fair!" she said for a second time, stronger than before, a new anger entering her voice. "There are so many mothers out there who didn't ask to have kids or who didn't want them and have them anyway. Look at Rachel! One drunken night with Ross, and she has Emma! She didn't even try; she just got herself a baby, no problem. How does that work?" Monica hit her hand against the sofa cushion. "And here I am, trying for months and months to have a baby _with my husband_, and then we find out that it's all been worthless: we can't have one anyway!" At her own words, Monica broke down again, her shoulders shaking.

Chandler reached out to her, resting his hands on her upper arms. He knew he had to try to calm her down. "Monica," he said softly, moving one of his hands to swipe at the tears traveling swiftly down her cheeks. "It'll be okay. I know this isn't fair, but we can't get mad at anyone else for it. I'd love to be able to yell at Ross for fathering two kids with two different women, neither of which he's married to – clearly _his_ sperm don't have any motility problems –" Chandler joked almost bitterly, "but that doesn't do us any good. Let's not bring anyone else into this. It sucks for_ us_. I think that's enough." He began to stroke her hair lightly as she took several deep breaths.

"You're right," she said finally, looking up at him, tear tracks visible on her face, though she had stopped crying for the moment. "I'm not really mad at Rachel, I'm just… I was so excited about this, Chandler! All I ever wanted was to get married and have a baby, and now I find out that I can't…" she trailed off, staring down into her lap.

"I know, Mon," he replied, looking downward as well. "I was excited too." Sure, he had only been ready to have a baby for about a year now, but he had known that he wanted kids with Monica for much longer than that. He'd thought about it since before he'd proposed to her; they both had. It had always been something wonderful they were saving for someday in the future, but now it seemed that someday would never come. Monica wasn't going to get pregnant sometime soon like they had hoped. Chandler wasn't going to have his little baby Bing.

But he did have Monica.

Chandler tilted Monica's head up so he could meet her eyes. "Monica," he said softly, "we are going to get through this, and we are going to get our chance to have a baby and be parents, and this is all going to work out. You know why I know all that?"

Monica shook her head, blinking, seeming to be trying to keep her tears at bay.

"Because I'm on your team, and your team always wins," Chandler answered, remembering Monica telling him that less than six months into their relationship, right before his face-off with Phoebe that had ended in him admitting to Phoebe, Rachel, Joey, and Monica herself that he was in love with Monica. That had all been so long ago.

Monica's mouth formed itself into the faintest of smiles, though still a smile nonetheless.

Chandler continued, looking into her eyes. "I love you so much, Monica, and that's why I know that we'll figure this out and that everything's going to be okay." He took Monica's hands in his and brought one to his lips, kissing it softly.

Monica sniffled slightly as she stared back at him. "I love you too, Chandler. Thank you."

Chandler wrapped his arms around his wife again. "Of course, Mon. Of course."

She took a deep breath and moved back from him, evidently trying to compose herself. She grabbed a tissue from the box on the coffee table, wiping at her eyes and blowing her nose. Finally she looked up at Chandler. "So, what do we do now?"

Chandler stared back at Monica, amazed at how well his wife had pulled herself together in the face of how awful this was. He exhaled slowly. "Well, tomorrow I'll call Doctor Connelly so we can meet and discuss our options from this point, but for now, how about we curl up here and watch a movie and take our minds off all this?"

Monica nodded back at him. "I'd like that." She got off the sofa to look through their movies in the cabinet next to their TV.

Chandler moved in front of the cabinet and knelt down next to her as she scanned the boxes. He pressed a kiss to her temple, and she leaned her head on his shoulder.

"We'll figure this out," he said quietly, partly to Monica and partly to himself. All he could hope was that he was right.

* * *

_A/N: Writing this was really hard and took longer than it should have, just because this whole thing was so incredibly sad. The second (hopefully less sad) part of this should be up tomorrow or Tuesday at the latest. Thanks for reading! Reviews are the best! _


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: As promised, this is definitely happier than the first part was. This bit (which is the reason I decided to do this fic in the first place) was an idea from hugefriendsfan00, so seriously thank you so much for the suggestion and for all your wonderful reviews on the stuff I've written. _

_As always, any reviews or suggestions from any of you guys are amazing, and I really really appreciate them._

_Disclaimer: I don't own _Friends_, but some dialogue is taken from "TOW the Donor."_

* * *

The next couple days were rough for Monica and Chandler.

After watching a movie that first night, they had gone to bed, lying awake for hours, talking and crying again, until finally falling asleep, very fitfully on both of their parts. Chandler had called Doctor Connelly the next morning and had set up a meeting with him early the following week. Monica and Chandler had both stayed home from work that day, wearing sweats and watching movies on the sofa, not wanting to be around anyone else but each other. They had been able to hide from their friends for most of the day, but, by the evening, the rest of the gang had come looking for them. Chandler and Monica had had to break the news to them that there was a good chance they wouldn't be able to naturally have a baby together. Monica had asked Chandler to be the one to say it, because she knew that she wouldn't be able to get through that couple sentences without breaking down. Chandler had explained everything to their friends as he kept his arm protectively around her the entire time. The rest of the group had been incredibly sympathetic and had hugged both of them, assuring them that things were going to work out and that they would get their baby. At that point, Monica had been close to tears, so she had looked over to Chandler pleadingly, and he had told their friends that he and Monica really just wanted to be alone and that they would see everyone tomorrow.

That had been another rough night, but, by the next day, things were okay for the most part. Monica still felt like there was some sort of hole inside her, as though she had lost something vitally important to her that she could never get back. But Chandler had been amazing, reassuring her that everything was going to be okay, trying to keep her mind off how sad she felt, wiping away the tears when they came to her eyes. She knew that he was just as hurt as she was by this, but he was holding it together so much better than she was, and she was so incredibly grateful for that.

Finally the morning of their meeting with Doctor Connelly came, both of them waking up before their alarm and leaving the house at least fifteen minutes earlier than necessary. Monica needed to know exactly what they could do next so that she and Chandler could still get their little baby.

After they spent some time in a waiting room, a receptionist led Monica and Chandler back to Doctor Connelly's office and asked them to wait there for a few minutes while the doctor finished some business elsewhere in the clinic. Monica immediately sat down in one of the chairs, pushing her hair back nervously, unsure about what the doctor was going to tell them. Chandler characteristically handled his evident nervousness at the situation by standing up to examine the illustrations of the female reproductive system of Doctor Connelly's wall.

"Wow," he said, staring at the pictures, "fortunately, she has a very pretty face." When Monica was silent in response, he moved away from the wall and sat down in the chair next to hers.

"Ugh, I still can't believe this!" Monica said, at this point more sad and upset than completely heartbroken as she had been immediately after hearing the news. "My uterus is an inhospitable environment? I've always tried so hard to be a good hostess!"

"Well I can't believe my sperm have low motility because, let me tell you, when I was growing up, they sure seemed to be in a hurry to get places!" Chandler replied, half-joking.

Doctor Connelly entered the office. "Hi there." He closed the door as Monica and Chandler greeted him in return.

"Well, I'm sorry there wasn't better news from your test last week, but I wanted to talk to you about your options," Doctor Connelly began immediately.

"Okay," Monica replied.

Doctor Connelly continued. "Well, first of all, even though your chances of conceiving through natural means aren't great, you never know, so keep having sex on a regular basis."

"Ah, dammit!" Chandler interjected, eliciting an odd look from Doctor Connelly.

"Don't worry!" Monica tried to reassure the doctor. "After a while, you'll, you'll tune it out." She rested her hand on Chandler's arm lightly for a moment. She had given up trying to get Chandler to stop making jokes in situations like this long ago.

Doctor Connelly started again. "Well, given your situation, the options with the greatest chances for success would be surrogacy or insemination using a sperm donor."

Monica glanced at Chandler, who had turned to meet her eyes. They had figured these options would be on the table, but they hadn't discussed them too much, wanting to wait to hear what the doctor said.

"Okay," Monica affirmed that she and Chandler understood. She turned back to Chandler again, knowing that they would have a lot to discuss.

"And if you feel that neither of those is right for you," the doctor went on, "you could always adopt."

"Is that a hint?" Chandler asked, Monica groaning internally as she knew Chandler's comment was definitely not going to be a helpful one. "Because we love you, Doctor Connelly, but we don't think we want you to be our child." Chandler offered a typical Chandler I-just-told-a-funny-joke smile.

Doctor Connelly stared blankly back at him.

"Wow," Chandler kept going, "talk about an inhospitable environment!"

Monica didn't look at her husband, letting him tough it out alone under the doctor's stare.

"Do you have any questions?" Doctor Connelly asked, completely ignoring Chandler's comments.

Chandler shook his head, serious for the moment.

"Not right now," Monica said for her part.

"Okay, then," the doctor said, standing up. "Take all the time you need to discuss it, and call if you have any questions or you make any decisions."

Monica and Chandler stood too.

"Thanks, Doctor Connelly," Monica said, shaking his hand.

"Thanks," Chandler said, too, also shaking the doctor's hand, though not adding anything else. Apparently he had decided that Doctor Connelly didn't need to hear any more of his jokes.

Monica was extremely glad to see that.

She and Chandler left the clinic and made their way back onto the street.

As they set foot on the sidewalk, Chandler turned to Monica, taking her hand. "So what are you thinking?"

Monica fell in step beside him as they began to make their way down the street. "I'm not sure. Surrogacy seems… I don't know." She sighed, upset. "I mean I've wanted to be able to have a baby myself forever. I just don't know if I would be able to watch someone else carry our child for us instead of me. Does that make sense?"

Chandler nodded back at her. "Of course it does, Mon. I can totally understand how painful that would be for you. To have someone else be the one who gets to be with our little baby for nine months and get to feel it kick for the first time and all that stuff - I don't know if I could do that either. We can take that completely off the table."

Monica smiled at her husband gratefully. "Thanks." She sighed again. "I don't know about sperm donors either, but I think I'm open to that."

"Okay then," Chandler replied, very matter-of-factly. "We'll look into sperm donors."

"I'm sure Joey would offer," Monica said, laughing.

Chandler shuddered slightly. "Not what we're looking for."

Monica smiled at her husband and leaned her head on his shoulder for a brief moment. "Well, why don't we start thinking about anyone we know that actually _would_ be good for this, and we could always go the sperm bank route too."

Chandler nodded at her. "Okay."

They stopped walking as they reached a subway station. Monica had to head to work, while Chandler didn't have to be in until the afternoon.

"I'm gonna go stop by the coffee house and get some stuff done back home," Chandler said. "I'll see you when I get home from work later."

Monica nodded at him and gave him a quick peck on the lips before turning one way to get a train to the restaurant, while Chandler turned another way to catch one back home.

* * *

Hours later, back at the apartment, Chandler's friend Zack from work was getting ready to leave.

Monica could tell that their guest had been freaked out by her and Chandler's very personal questions, but, for most of the meal, she hadn't worried about it. Zack was handsome, healthy, and seemed like a great choice to be the father of their baby. But as Monica thought about it, she realized that she wasn't actually as okay with using a sperm donor as she had thought she was.

Compared with surrogacy, where she would have to watch someone else carry their baby for nine months, a sperm donor had seemed like a good option. She would be able to carry the baby herself, just like she had always imagined, but now she realized there was a definite cost to that. She would be having a baby whose natural mother was her, but whose natural father was someone who wasn't Chandler. As Monica fully made this connection, she knew that it felt wrong. If she couldn't carry a baby whose father was Chandler, then she wasn't sure that she wanted to carry one at all. It wouldn't feel right.

Monica cleaned up the table as Chandler, by the door, urged Zack to stay longer.

"No, no, I should get home," Zack said, clearly uncomfortable. "I'm kinda tired."

"Are you just tired now, or are you always tired?" Chandler asked a question like the others that he and Monica had posed to Zack over dinner. "Because that could be a sign of clinical depression." Chandler turned around to look at Monica for a moment, as though to seek her support for his statement.

"No, it's just tiring having to figure out the age at which all my grandparents died," Zack replied in explanation, edging away from Chandler.

At this point Monica wasn't sure that Zack actually would agree to be their sperm donor, even _if_ they both wanted to ask him.

"I'll see you tomorrow," their guest said finally, opening the apartment door and heading out before Chandler or Monica could say anything else.

As the door closed, Chandler turned back to Monica, smiling. "I think we've found our sperm!"

"He does seem pretty perfect," Monica said, setting some flowers down on the coffee table, trying to sound as positive as Chandler,.

"Yeah? You think so?" Chandler asked excitedly, moving to behind the sofa so he could face her. "Well, should I ask him?"

Monica looked at her husband, the only man she wanted to have a baby with, and knew what she had to say. "No." She shook her head.

"Why not?" Chandler said, evidently confused as to why she would turn down such a perfect candidate. "Just because his great-grandmother was obese? Our kid's gonna get that from you anyway!"

Monica had to laugh at her husband. "No, that's not it." She folded her arms, her smile fading. "It's just that when we were asking him all those questions before, I just, I just realized, I don't care if he's the most perfect guy in the world; he's not you."

"Yeah! He's better!" Chandler replied, his voice high pitched.

Monica laughed again. "No, he's not!" She dropped her arms. "If I can't get pregnant with you, then I don't want to get pregnant by him or anyone else."

"Really?" Chandler asked, finally moving away from the "I Love Zack" camp. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure," Monica answered.

Chandler sighed, evidently relieved, coming around the sofa to stand in front of her. "Ah, thank God, because I don't want to do this either. You know, I was just doing it because I thought that was what you wanted to do. You know, I'm the husband. I'm supposed to bring the sperm!" He sat down on the sofa.

Monica sat on the coffee table facing him. She had the greatest husband in the world. "That is so sweet. I love you." She moved in and kissed him.

As she leaned back, kneeling on the floor in front of him, Chandler spoke. "So you know this leaves us with…"

"Adoption," Monica finished the sentence.

Chandler nodded to her. "How do you feel about that?"

"I think I feel okay about it," she said, letting out a breath. She paused for a moment, considering the choice they were making. "Actually, I think I feel really good about it."

"Me too," Chandler replied, nodding again. "I want to find a baby that needs a home, and I want to raise it with you, and I want to mess it up in our specific way." He grinned at her.

"So, this is it?" Monica asked her wonderful husband. "We're really going to adopt?"

"Yeah," Chandler said, still smiling.

For the first time since they had gotten their terrible news the week before, Monica got excited about being a mom. "Oh my God, we're gonna be parents!" she said excitedly, standing up.

"We are gonna be _great_ parents!" Chandler emphasized, standing up too.

"And it could be soon!" Monica said, knowing that adoption could be a relatively lengthy process, but still one that could let them have a baby in the not too terribly distant future. "I mean, think about it." She moved over to the window looking out onto the balcony and the city streets, Chandler following beside her. "Right now, somewhere out there, our baby could be being conceived!"

"Wait," Chandler said in a hushed whisper, "if we're lucky, and we're really really really quiet, we may be able to hear the sound of a condom breaking."

Monica wrapped her arms around her husband, as his arms wrapped around her. They both stayed still for a few moments, staring out into the night.

Then Monica tilted her head up to look at Chandler. "Thank you," she said simply.

Chandler furrowed his brow, clearly confused. "For what?"

Monica smiled slightly. "For being so great these past few days. You kept reassuring me that everything would be okay and that we'd figure things out, and, you know, you were right. We're gonna get to have our baby. And that little kid's going to have the greatest father in the entire world, and all the other little kids are just gonna be jealous that they don't have as great a father as ours does." Monica looked down for a moment, before returning her gaze to the eyes of her amazing husband. "I'm just so lucky to have you, Chandler."

Chandler shook his head at her, his smile growing bigger. "Not as lucky as I am to have you. I'm not sure about me being the greatest dad, but you'll be the world's greatest mom. There's no way you're losing that contest, or any contest for that matter." Chandler laughed slightly, but then adopted a more serious expression. "This probably won't be the easiest thing in the world, but we can figure this out too, right?"

Monica grinned at him. "Of course we can. I love you."

Chandler grinned back. "I love you too."

* * *

_A/N: Thank you guys so much for reading! Please take a minute to review; it would meant the world to me._


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